Whenever I speak or teach or write, I always like to abide by what I call the Four E’s. (For all the grammar purists out there, I realize there should not be an apostrophe after the E, but when I don’t do this, it just looks like a Spanish word that’s out of place) Okay, back to the Four E’s…they stand for Engage, Entertain, Educate, and Encourage. Out of all those, Engage may be the most important one, because if we miss the mark with this one, the rest become irrelevant. I was reminded of this on a trip to Nashville last year. I had a free day so I wanted to get down to the Broadway early to soak up every minute I could of this glorious city.

I walked the strip for a while, taking in all the sights, sounds, and BBQ smells. I finally decided to head into one of the honkytonks and grab something to eat. The gentleman at the door held his hand out to stop me. “We’re not open,” he said. “Okay,” I responded. “What time do you open?” “11:00,” he said, this time not even making eye contact with me. I looked at my watch. “So, in five minutes?” I asked, hoping he would realize how close we were to 11:00 and grant me entry. He nodded, again, not making eye contact. I took the hint.

I walked down a few more store fronts and found another lively-looking saloon. “Are you guys open?” I asked the gentleman at the door. I didn’t want to assume anymore. “We open at 11:00,” he replied. I was beginning to feel like I was in a scene from Groundhog Day. But then he continued. “Although we’re certainly not going to make you stand outside and wait. Come on in!” He walked me to a table and introduced me to my waitress and then introduced me to the band that was setting up to play. The waitress was kind enough to bring me a sample of the sauce the kitchen had just made for their signature hot chicken. It was delicious. Then the band asked me what songs I wanted to hear them play. And later, when they found out where I was from, they dedicated a Patsy Cline song to me.

Two similar restaurants. Two completely different experiences. Simply put, one engaged me, and one did not. To engage, one must attract or involve others. Make them feel welcome and wanted. Noticed and needed. We are all social creatures and, on some level or another, most of us wish to be included. When we engage others, we welcome them into a different environment or new experience which paves the way for the other E’s, Entertainment, Education, and Encouragement.

Now I know some of you may be thinking to yourself, big deal. This example is a molehill blown into a mountain. And I understand. Yes, the first doorman could have been having a bad day. Perhaps he was just following instructions. And yes, maybe I was being a big baby and took not being let into an establishment, before they were even open, too personally. But here’s the thing. Perception is reality. Despite any extenuating circumstances, I spent a lot of time and money in one establishment and never darkened the door of the other, even during normal business hours.

And I’d like to think that wasn’t out of spite. Well, not entirely out of spite. I’d like to think it’s because one group engaged me, invited me in and made me comfortable from the start. And it’s a lesson I took away and try to apply now whenever possible. Nobody really likes change or entering into new situations, but when we are the first to engage, it makes the transition easier on others and lends credibility and influence to ourselves.